When a friend gets sick we feel so helpless and even a little lost. We desperately want to help, but find ourselves at a loss for what we can do. We would rather do nothing than get in our friend’s way or add to her burden, so sadly we often do nothing. Since, as of yet, no one has written Suffering for Dummies, it’s up to us to figure this out.

First of all, don’t ask your friend what you can do; you know as well as I do that she won’t want to tell you. To really support her, you have to jump and think of creative ways to help. I’ve compiled a list of tried and true tips.

15 Ways to Really Help a Friend with Cancer

• Let her know you’d like to go with her to the doctor. Offer to pick her up, take notes during the appointment or simply hold her purse, and then drive her home.

• Bring food that freezes in disposable containers. Label the containers with contents and reheating instructions.

• Offer to be the friend who will let others know what is happening with her health. You could set up a phone tree or e-mail group, so she doesn’t have to constantly be communicating

• Take her car out, fill it with fuel and have it washed.

• Leave a bag outside her door to fill with her laundry that needs to be done. Take the laundry home with you and bring it back that day or the very next day, cleaned and folded.

• Send a manicurist or a masseuse to her house. Be sure to pay for the service, including a gratuity in advance and let your friend know you have done so.

• Ask if she needs a wrapped gift for her child to take to a birthday party. Go out and buy the gift, wrap it, and get it back to her a day ahead of the party. Offer to drive her child to and from the party.

• See if your husband can take her husband out for golf or invite him over to watch a game. Often no one thinks of the stress a husband carries when his wife is ill.

• Schedule a weekly “pick-up or drop-off” run for things like: dry cleaning, movie rentals or prescriptions.

• Provide her with a housecleaner for a day. Pay the housecleaner and let your friend know you have taken care of everything.

• In her mailbox, leave an envelope of gift certificates or coupons to places that deliver food.

• Offer to help write, address and stamp her thank-you notes. Bring over some pretty stationery and several booklets of stamps . And allow her to dictate some notes, and you can send them out.

• Go card shopping and give her an assortment of occasion cards (anniversary, graduation, birthday, etc.) that she can use. Bundle them together with a nice pen and some pretty stamps.

• Take her kids out to see a fun movie or for ice-cream. She will love knowing they are having fun when she can’t be the one to do it.

• Pick up a grocery bag of “staples” (bread, juice, cereal, milk, toilet paper, paper towels, etc.) and drop them off at her door. Call (or e-mail if the items aren’t perishable) to let her know that they are there.

® 2006 Nicole Johnson